today! today, my friend, marks 5 whole weeks of NOT carrying my debit card anywhere with me. that means i have not swiped that card 1 time since we started a strict budget to get ourselves out of debt. YEAH! 5 whole weeks! and you know, it has felt good, so good!
i was a little scared to remove my debit card out of my purse. all the what if's flooded my brain. but, you know, after staying strict on our 'get out of debt budget' and the prayers i pray i have found freedom in not having that piece of plastic in my wallet.
when i would actually shop for groceries or get gas i would practically have a panic attack by worrying if there was enough money in the bank while swiping my debit card. stupidly i would use that dumb debit card for so many other things right after my husband would get paid (bad wife) resulting in my fear of not having enough money for those things we do need (major self produced anxiety, don't do that!) for 5 weeks i have been paying cash for all purchases and believe me when i say coming from someone who suffers anxiety- i have no anxiety when paying that grocery or gas bill simply because i have cash. side thought: my therapist would be proud. with physical cash in hand i literally know how much i can and cannot spend.
today my hubby finally went grocery shopping with me after 5 weeks of me shopping alone. you've got to believe me, the anxiety is real... my husband has shopped for the majority of our groceries for like a year+ now. so, when my husband told me that he is really proud of me after watching me shop like an expert and watching me live like no one else ('live like no one else' is a dave ramsey saying) as i whipped out my FOOD envelope of cash to pay while everyone in line stared at me i wanted to do a kart wheel, not really, but i got all giddy inside and thanked him profusely. I HAD A LONG LASTING SMILE YA'LL! that's a big ol' grand deal to hear my hubby say that about me!
that was today's grocery story with no debit card. here comes today's gas story with no debit card.
then... then... are you ready for this? i leaned over to check out the gas tank level. half way full. i tell my hubby to pull over so we can get gas. i say, "$25?" and he says, "$20 should be fine." hmmm... i tell him that i'll go pay for it. hubby looks at me strange and told me to go for it. I took $25 with me (i always keep my GAS envelope of cash in the car just in case you were wondering). hubby pumps the gas. i ask if i need to get change back from the clerk. "nope, i squeezed that last 70 cents in the gas tank," says the hubby. then... then... friends, you know what? hubby said again that he is so proud of me for the knowledge of rightly gauging how much it would take to fill the gas tank up! yay! yay! yay! he is truly impressed with me! yay! yay! yay! I've, me- not my hubby, been paying for the gasoline for 5 weeks now WITH CASH and so i should know, right, teehee!
before this, and this is bad, i would beg my husband to take the car and put gasoline in it for me. call me pathetic, i know. it is pathetic and i'm not going to rattle of any reasons why simply because they are not good enough. it does make me sad that my quirks and anxieties about these can get in my way. but... not anymore! I pray it stays this way for forever. my husband is just too good of a man not to be able to appreciate the small things like these that a loving wife can do.
with all that said, taking that addictive debit card away from me... no more "emergency" swipes at McDonald's, no more AMAZON purchases because the prices are just right, no more swipes at the addicting thrift stores that call my name while i'm driving down the road, simply no more buying anything that's not necessary or vital to our well being ANYMORE! why? because i have a budget and cash that limits my spending. ONLY CASH will stop you (well sane people anyway) from addictive spending habits. good for me because we didn't have the money to throw away like i was doing only 5 weeks ago.
I am so happy to bless my husband like this. it.is.a.big.deal
Glory to God.
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